Anxiety Aside – When The Dust Settles

What do you do when it’s all said and done? The argument is over, or the job didn’t work out… etc… How do you move forward when it’s a new day and the adrenaline finally wears off? In the heat of the moment it’s so easy to feel numb in situations, but as soon as reality sinks in, the pit forms in your stomach. Words have been spoken and tears have been poured so what do you do now? I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and I wanted to share these real and raw thoughts. I’ve said this a million times and I will probably say it a million more, but this year has been hard. I know I’m not the only one when I say that this year did not go the way I thought it would and I’m still trying to pick up the pieces of the broken expectations I had. The feeling of disconnection happening in slow motion is a tough pill to swallow and this year definitely made that a reality. I have found myself trying to process through everything, but it’s overwhelming to say the least. I have retraced my steps in my head of how I handled the last 6 months and as much as I could criticize myself for letting discontentment consume me, I truly don’t think I could have handled this year any differently. I did my best and I know we’re all here just doing our best. No one had a cheat sheet on how to prepare for the sudden halt our lives had and our different ways of adapting were okay. As life slowly goes back to “normal’ I’m left with a lot of loose ends that I’m trying to tie up. Life doesn’t feel the same, friendships don’t feel the same and I’m trying my hardest to be okay with that. It’s important to focus on the things I am actually in control of and one of the biggest things I have learned this year is that the way we handle conflict decides how a scenario will play out. As I’ve gotten older I try my best think through how I should respond to the obstacles that are placed in my life. My knee jerk reaction has always been to act in the heat of the moment with anger and frustration at the frontline. Spoiler alert, that never makes the situation better in the slightest… like whatsoever. Over the course of this year I have made a very conscious effort to really analyze my emotions attached to a certain situation and decide how I want my response to come across. It’s not easy but let me tell you, it has had such a positive impact on my life to address my feelings with a person when my thoughts can be articulated in a beneficial way. Over the passing months I have been reminded time and time again that life is a gift and the people who surround me are there for a reason. I want the words that I speak to be meaningful and with a purpose. When the dust settles it’s easier to see what’s ahead and that’s why I think making rash decisions in the heat of the moment has fueled so many petty fires of drama in my life. Situations get blown out of proportion and more times than not it’s just a miscommunication from both parties involved. Now, let’s discuss all the feelings we have when the situation is way in the past, but our feelings about it are very much present. Like I mentioned before, life can lead us to a crossroad and we have to decide what the best path is for us to take. Sometimes things end abruptly and the closure we needed wasn’t given to us. It’s the worst feeling when something is over, but your heart wasn’t ready for it to be. How do you move forward and start fresh when your mind continuously goes back to the memories of what used to be? This year has put me in that scenario so many times cold turkey and everyday gives me a new perspective on that previous question. I definitely don’t have all the answers, but what really has been instilled in my brain is the concept of cherishing the moments you’re in. It seems so silly but the phrase “you don’t know what you’ve got till its gone.” is one of the truest statements ever to exist in my opinion. We get so wrapped up in our lives and take things for granted that we let our grass is always greener mentality taint the beauty that surrounds us in present day. A lot of times it takes us really losing a piece of ourselves to be reminded that we had the whole puzzle already but we spent all of our energy looking for gratification in other places and people. I think the sting of not having closure would be far less prominent if we chose to look at the good in our lives and focus on what we have instead of what we lost. There is always something good waiting around the corner and the hurt we feel now won’t last forever. The darkest moments sometimes feel like they will never end, but one day you wake up and finally see the light shining through. You meet new people, find a new job, choose love and grace with the ones around you etc. When the dust settles it can feel like our eyes still have a blurry film of pain and regret, but keep moving forward and slowly but surely you’ll see the potential of a new day crystal clear. I know this year left me in moments of utter disappointment, but I truly believe there is a reason for that. This season of life has shown me the importance of appreciating the unknown and trusting that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is choose the path of peace by letting things play out on their own. It’s okay to feel a little lost and to not have all the answers right now. Time is a crazy beautiful, scary concept and a lot of times our hearts just need a little more of it to feel okay… and that is perfectly okay.