I saw a quote the other day that really struck me when I read it. It said “Sometimes you have to make peace with the fact that you are the villain in someone else’s story, even if you thought you were doing the right thing. You don’t get to tell them how to narrate their experience”. The picture of the quote I saw didn’t give me an author to credit, but I think whoever said it is a very wise person. Those words definitely sting when you read them, but sometimes I think it’s important to be reminded of the power our actions have. When I read that quote my heart sinks a little and I flashback to a few years back when I didn’t know what I knew now. Hindsight is 2020 and oh man do I feel that in my core. I know for a fact that my words/actions have hurt some people and even if I didn’t intend for that to happen, I can’t change the way they were received. I will touch on this a little more in depth in a future blog post, but over the the last few years I have made many big changes in my life and some of those included saying goodbye to friendships that weren’t healthy. Now I don’t regret a majority of those decisions because they were 100% necessary, but if I am being completely honest, there is a friendship I ended that I sort of wish I hadn’t. At the time I thought I had it all figured out and was doing what was best, but now that I’ve processed through the situation in my head a million times, I wish I handled things differently. In the heat of the moment it’s so easy to make decisions when your emotions are taking the wheel and sadly, your words can’t be taken back once you’ve spoken them. Regret is a hard pill to swallow and there will be times when you won’t be able to right your wrong no matter how hard you try. I have definitely become aware of the fact that I tend to write people off very fast if they have hurt me instead of trying to work through the problem. That was definitely the reality for me a few years ago and when it’s your choice to cut contact with another person, it’s not up to you anymore to decide if that will stay the same forever. The ball is in their court and in my case, they didn’t want my apology. Finding out your number has been blocked is rough and I can’t be mad at anyone but myself which kind of makes things more sucky. I wish so badly that I could explain what my thought process was back then because I’ve grown so much since that point and definitely see how I ended things too abruptly. Months will go by without that person entering your mind, but then one day something reminds you of them and you’re back at square one again. If you read my other blog post on toxic friendships I discuss the newness of juggling the healthy friendships I have right now. It’s all so exciting, but I often have to remind myself that there will be bumps in the road sometimes and that’s okay. I am proud of the self reflection I have done recently because let me be tell you, it’s not easy coming to terms with the fact that you hurt someone who was once very close to you. becoming strangers with a friend you used to talk to everyday is hard and knowing you probably won’t ever have another conversation with them stings just a little. The past is the past though and I didn’t know what I know now so I can’t beat myself up about it. I am not the same person I was at that time and I can’t go back and change it, even if I wanted to. We’re human and sometimes we let our feelings dictate our choices in life. I am learning to appreciate the people in my life who aren’t afraid to tell me what I don’t want to hear. The ones around you can give you a different perspective on life and I think that is so important. Friendship breakups are very difficult and I will definitely take the pain as a learning experience. We can’t change what has happened in the past, but we can move forward with the knowledge we gained from our heartache in hopes of preventing it in the future. Our impact on this world and the people around us are so precious and I pray that I leave a little sprinkle of kindness everywhere I go.
This post is a little bit on the shorter side, but I still hope you enjoyed reading it! I have had these thoughts on my mind for a long while and I am happy I have this space to share them. Thanks for stopping by!
life with Ash 